Vitamin Water ‘Connect’

While drinking this bank-chute ration of signification and crystalline hydration I noticed that this flavor, named ‘Connect’ in what is a disgusting display of aptness, was made ‘by fans, for fans on .’ I’ve included brackets so as to try and capture the differentiation of a logo in standard prose. Pretty useless.

What I want to say here is brief: the material explanation for the genesis of phenomena has no place here. The first giddy inclination is to decry the interpellation of the subject by the corporation, who hides behind the object. There is some weight here.

Consider the label:

we caught you. no use denying it. your fingerprints are all over this bottle. after connecting on Facebook, you voted on the flavor & designed the label–it was great having you do all the work! and since you’ve been so busy pretending not to notice friend requests for about 3 days, posting pics of events (that you’re still at), and clicking through photos of ‘friends’ you barely know (ever get nervous they can tell?), better crack open this bottle. it’s got 8 key nutrients from vitamin a to zinc plus caffeine to give you some extra energy…because based on last night’s pics, it looks like you’ve got some serious untagging to do.

Note the ‘that you’re still at.’ This self-awareness and inoculation of a certain critical stance on Facebook that would not be hard to find in cultural criticism accomplishes something that cannot be touched upon here. All the same, the text smacks of manipulation.

However, where the primary inclination is to find an illusionary mask in this text, in the last instance (Althusser) it is impossible. For that approach is in the interest of unmasking that people make Vitaman Water in a factory. But what does that actually tell us about this bottle or the process of how ‘Connect’ appears? Better, what does it tell us about how ‘Connect’ gives itself?

The illusion and bewilderment is that the text is simply just a statement. It’s a disillusion. WE in fact HAVE done all the work. The flavor was created through the neurons of the optic cable and appeared by magic. And it was not because of labor or capital but because we connected to Vitamin Water. If there is an ideology here, it is the ideology of Connection. Our raison d’emploi in the system is that we connect the parole of its code. When we consume objects we are in fact connecting the code. Perhaps the ecstasy of communication, this dire situation of the chain of Information, is an inevitable outcome of a system of equivalency. For again, all that is required for any of the possibilities that hunt us in the elevated forests of object-possibility is that we connect. To what? TO ANYTHING. This ideology of Connection doesn’t even communicate any exigency, which is why it is so offensive: we are truly in ecstasy when all that’s needed is for one possibility to plug into another to breed THIS or THAT or THIS. The plugging is the reason for the plugging.


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